Final part of this scene, again give me any opinion you've got.
His footsteps are heavy on the floor and shake Mia awake again, she feels less groggy than earlier; the dosage is wearing off. The man is putting the finishing touches to a white banner that stretches across the fireplace, which is now covered with a white satin sheet that must have cost a pretty penny or two. It almost looks as if he is going to put on a debate, with the podium in front of the sheet and the folding chairs set up in neat rows facing the whole set.
“Oh my,” he says through a smile, his white teeth gleaming in light of the room. “You’re almost awake. Better hurry up then, I don’t wanna spoil the surprise.” Mia’s world again starts to go black, but not before he begins to remove her blouse. By the time her pants are undone, she is unconscious once more.
You’re usually very meticulous and observant, but tonight you are a little off your game. Instead of checking your surroundings before heading inside, you simply ran on in and didn’t look to see the black van parked a block down the street. After cutting you off like that, it would seem pretty obvious that you would notice it again. Sadly, you were far too distracted with the hunt, which is certainly understandable; the hunt can be quite consuming. The guy tells you to help yourself to some wine while he freshens up in the bathroom, really he is just jerking off to prepare himself for the anticipation of sex. You know it wouldn’t get that far though; it’s not your style. You enjoy leading them to dream of your beautiful naked body writhing with theirs in fits of grinding and deep breathing, right before you cut their hearts out and show them the still beating organ pumping in your blood soaked hands. It’s only been watched once; you’re admittedly difficult to sneak up on in the middle of your work.
You’re sitting in the chair, waiting for him to exit the bathroom so you can commence the ritual. Sorry to spoil your plans, but there are other things afoot here. As he comes out and looks at you, I strike from the shadows. The toxins in the syringe are enough to kill a small horse, so plenty to drop a man to the floor. I hate that you come at me so violently because I am not here to hurt you as well. The needle I stuck into your throat only contains a strong sedative, which will give me enough time to set up the room like one of those cheap wedding halls. It’s not perfect, but the message is more important than its delivery.
Once you wake up, everything will be revealed to you: how everything you’ve done for the last six months has been carefully observed and noted, how your patterns and style were learned from those observations, so much that I could almost predict exactly how and where you would kill your victim, which interestingly enough, is how I found myself here. But I have been making plans on my own as well, timing and plotting to a point so that nothing could go wrong. Once you wake up, I will tell you all of this, and open my heart to you, Mia. Hopefully, after you know who I am, you will love me like I love you. Hopefully, you will accept my ring and join me in marriage. We will do wonderfully awful things together, you’ll see. Once you wake up, we can start our life together. Wake up, sleepy head.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Mia Is Caught Part Two
Second part of this scene, third one coming in the following days. Let me know what you think!
Heaving a sigh of exhaustion, Mia brushes the rest of the lion droppings into the trash bag and dusts off her pants and shirt. The park is closing, and she couldn’t be any happier. It allows her to be free from the grinds of a job, free to do what she wants with who she wants. After changing out of her work clothes in the women’s locker room, Mia heads out to have a drink at King’s Grill, the restaurant and bar a few blocks from the San Diego Zoo. Fifteen minutes of driving through slightly congested Californian traffic and Mia walks up to the bar and takes a seat. At the other end having a drink with some work buddies is Brian Shanahan, wealthy father of two beautiful girls, resident of the wonderful city of San Diego for almost thirteen months. Previously, he lived, alone, in Phoenix and was charged with raping a fifteen-year-old girl. Yet, that’s not what brought Mia here tonight; she wasn’t interested in his crimes of passion. She is more intrigued by the hunt of tracking and killing the man, whoever she happens to choose.
Through the smoky haze thickening in the air, Mia observes him while he drinks his last night away. Although preferring the victim to be awake, she has come across her share of drunken slobbering assholes that create a different kind of enjoyment for her; they’re number to the blade. The way their eyes go from ecstasy to sheer terror in milliseconds really made Mia’s heart pump harder and blood flow faster. The dumbfounded look on their faces once they realize she has been plunging away at their vital areas, steadily draining away their life. Tonight, it is Mr. Shanahan’s night to experience just that. Researching and following led Mia to King’s, where he drinks with his friends every Thursday night after work. He is always out late those nights, so there will be no trouble from a worried wife before the job is done. On very frequent occasions, the married man would delve into the world of bar girl hook-ups, which will work to Mia’s advantage. After he finishes his second drink, she makes her way to the opposite end of the bar and heads him off at the bathroom. Exchanging flirtatious looks and smiles, they introduce themselves and decide to share a drink.
Her mind is swimming in circles, never stopping or allowing her to focus the thoughts. For a few brief moments, her eyes flutter open and she glimpses the scene in front of her before going unconscious again. His body is gone and there isn’t a trace of a struggle. Frozen in a pane of light, the man is stringing up some kind of poster and has moved the furniture away towards the walls. With the wife and children gone on vacation, the empty house was the perfect place for it. However, the tables have been turned on her and she is now the apparent victim.
“Just wait, you’ll love it,” the man says. “Once I’m done here, everything will be different. Your life will change completely!”
He tells her his house is empty, and they can go there to have some more private drinks. Mia convinces him to drive separately, as she needs her car in the morning for work. It was a nice excuse to cover her plan of not being a suspect in his inevitable murder investigation. Before driving over, Mia opens her trunk and checks to make sure all her supplies are there. Unzipping the duffel bag, she quickly scans its contents and finds her knives, rope, trash bags and other little trinkets she will use throughout the process. Satisfied she gets into the car and drives to his house, where her prize eagerly waits for her arrival. Sitting at a red light two blocks from his address, Mia stares ahead and smiles; finally the weight will be lifted off of her shoulders. The light turns green and she accelerates through the intersection, when a maniac cuts her off trying to turn in front of her SUV. Honking and cursing, Mia glares at the man behind the wheel, who reacts with a smile and wave and speeds off into the dark and turns down the street after Brian’s. Making note of his license plate number, Mia seems to have already found her next target. She shakes her head and moves on, turning down his street and into his garage, so as to mask her presence here tonight. A sweet smile swims across her silent and sultry face while she slips into his house.
Heaving a sigh of exhaustion, Mia brushes the rest of the lion droppings into the trash bag and dusts off her pants and shirt. The park is closing, and she couldn’t be any happier. It allows her to be free from the grinds of a job, free to do what she wants with who she wants. After changing out of her work clothes in the women’s locker room, Mia heads out to have a drink at King’s Grill, the restaurant and bar a few blocks from the San Diego Zoo. Fifteen minutes of driving through slightly congested Californian traffic and Mia walks up to the bar and takes a seat. At the other end having a drink with some work buddies is Brian Shanahan, wealthy father of two beautiful girls, resident of the wonderful city of San Diego for almost thirteen months. Previously, he lived, alone, in Phoenix and was charged with raping a fifteen-year-old girl. Yet, that’s not what brought Mia here tonight; she wasn’t interested in his crimes of passion. She is more intrigued by the hunt of tracking and killing the man, whoever she happens to choose.
Through the smoky haze thickening in the air, Mia observes him while he drinks his last night away. Although preferring the victim to be awake, she has come across her share of drunken slobbering assholes that create a different kind of enjoyment for her; they’re number to the blade. The way their eyes go from ecstasy to sheer terror in milliseconds really made Mia’s heart pump harder and blood flow faster. The dumbfounded look on their faces once they realize she has been plunging away at their vital areas, steadily draining away their life. Tonight, it is Mr. Shanahan’s night to experience just that. Researching and following led Mia to King’s, where he drinks with his friends every Thursday night after work. He is always out late those nights, so there will be no trouble from a worried wife before the job is done. On very frequent occasions, the married man would delve into the world of bar girl hook-ups, which will work to Mia’s advantage. After he finishes his second drink, she makes her way to the opposite end of the bar and heads him off at the bathroom. Exchanging flirtatious looks and smiles, they introduce themselves and decide to share a drink.
Her mind is swimming in circles, never stopping or allowing her to focus the thoughts. For a few brief moments, her eyes flutter open and she glimpses the scene in front of her before going unconscious again. His body is gone and there isn’t a trace of a struggle. Frozen in a pane of light, the man is stringing up some kind of poster and has moved the furniture away towards the walls. With the wife and children gone on vacation, the empty house was the perfect place for it. However, the tables have been turned on her and she is now the apparent victim.
“Just wait, you’ll love it,” the man says. “Once I’m done here, everything will be different. Your life will change completely!”
He tells her his house is empty, and they can go there to have some more private drinks. Mia convinces him to drive separately, as she needs her car in the morning for work. It was a nice excuse to cover her plan of not being a suspect in his inevitable murder investigation. Before driving over, Mia opens her trunk and checks to make sure all her supplies are there. Unzipping the duffel bag, she quickly scans its contents and finds her knives, rope, trash bags and other little trinkets she will use throughout the process. Satisfied she gets into the car and drives to his house, where her prize eagerly waits for her arrival. Sitting at a red light two blocks from his address, Mia stares ahead and smiles; finally the weight will be lifted off of her shoulders. The light turns green and she accelerates through the intersection, when a maniac cuts her off trying to turn in front of her SUV. Honking and cursing, Mia glares at the man behind the wheel, who reacts with a smile and wave and speeds off into the dark and turns down the street after Brian’s. Making note of his license plate number, Mia seems to have already found her next target. She shakes her head and moves on, turning down his street and into his garage, so as to mask her presence here tonight. A sweet smile swims across her silent and sultry face while she slips into his house.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Mia Is Caught Part One
One part of a piece I wrote...It's way too long to put up in once piece, so I'm going to do three parts of it over the next week or so. Let me know what you think of it.
Mia crosses her legs gently while sipping her wine, lips pressed lightly on the edge of the glass. Her light red lipstick leaves a small stain, a reminder of her presence here tonight; it will be dealt with afterwards. Her garishly great green eyes wandered the room, taking in everything before it was all a memory. Each photo on the wall is a piece of his life: posing with the parents at college graduation, staged vacation Kodak moment with the family, candid laughing shot with the wife. He oozes from the pictures, surrounding Mia with his stench which made her stomach turn.
He emerges from the bathroom, looking slightly nervous and nauseous. His black hair is messy, an attempt at appearing younger for his possibly middle-aged body. Standing at a few inches over six feet, he could sink into a crowd and melt away in nothing, never to be seen by anyone. Mia had been pondering him for quite some time, trying to decide his fate. A needle darts from the shadows and dives into his neck, the plunger depressed until the syringe was empty. His boyishly big brown eyes roll back into his head, and he drops to the floor, dead.
With her heart pounding, Mia shoots out of her chair and digs in her bag for the knife, whose intended victim is now lying dead on the floor. Before she can make a move, he closes in and disarms her. It falls to the rugged floor and he kicks it out of her reach. Reaching back to smack him, Mia throws all her weight in his direction, hoping to overthrow him. Dodging the punch, he unearths another syringe from his belt and pierces her throat, forcing the toxin into her blood stream. Instantly, Mia’s world begins to slow down and darken as she stumbles back into her seat. The man’s face slides in and out of focus, but she can make out a look of relief and almost glee; she has met her match.
“Hush now darling, soon it will all become clear,” he says, the room spinning behind him, forcing Mia’s eyes shut. “Won’t be long now, until you know the truth. Soon, it’ll all be over.”
Her mind goes black, and everything is quiet, peaceful. Mia drifts off into a dream world, her very memories being replayed in her subconscious.
Heaving a sigh of exhaustion, Mia brushes the rest of the lion droppings into the trash bag and dusts off her pants and shirt. The park is closing, and she couldn’t be any happier. It allows her to be free from the grinds of a job, free to do what she wants with who she wants. After changing out of her work clothes in the women’s locker room, Mia heads out to have a drink at King’s Grill, the restaurant and bar a few blocks from the San Diego Zoo. Fifteen minutes of driving through slightly congested Californian traffic and Mia walks up to the bar and takes a seat. At the other end having a drink with some work buddies is Brian Shanahan, wealthy father of two beautiful girls, resident of the wonderful city of San Diego for almost thirteen months. Previously, he lived, alone, in Phoenix and was charged with raping a fifteen-year-old girl. Yet, that’s not what brought Mia here tonight; she wasn’t interested in his crimes of passion. She is more intrigued by the hunt of tracking and killing the man, whoever she happens to choose.
Through the smoky haze thickening in the air, Mia observes him while he drinks his last night away. Although preferring the victim to be awake, she has come across her share of drunken slobbering assholes that create a different kind of enjoyment for her; they’re number to the blade. The way their eyes go from ecstasy to sheer terror in milliseconds really made Mia’s heart pump harder and blood flow faster. The dumbfounded look on their faces once they realize she has been plunging away at their vital areas, steadily draining away their life. Tonight, it is Mr. Shanahan’s night to experience just that. Researching and following led Mia to King’s, where he drinks with his friends every Thursday night after work. He is always out late those nights, so there will be no trouble from a worried wife before the job is done. On very frequent occasions, the married man would delve into the world of bar girl hook-ups, which will work to Mia’s advantage. After he finishes his second drink, she makes her way to the opposite end of the bar and heads him off at the bathroom. Exchanging flirtatious looks and smiles, they introduce themselves and decide to share a drink.
Mia crosses her legs gently while sipping her wine, lips pressed lightly on the edge of the glass. Her light red lipstick leaves a small stain, a reminder of her presence here tonight; it will be dealt with afterwards. Her garishly great green eyes wandered the room, taking in everything before it was all a memory. Each photo on the wall is a piece of his life: posing with the parents at college graduation, staged vacation Kodak moment with the family, candid laughing shot with the wife. He oozes from the pictures, surrounding Mia with his stench which made her stomach turn.
He emerges from the bathroom, looking slightly nervous and nauseous. His black hair is messy, an attempt at appearing younger for his possibly middle-aged body. Standing at a few inches over six feet, he could sink into a crowd and melt away in nothing, never to be seen by anyone. Mia had been pondering him for quite some time, trying to decide his fate. A needle darts from the shadows and dives into his neck, the plunger depressed until the syringe was empty. His boyishly big brown eyes roll back into his head, and he drops to the floor, dead.
With her heart pounding, Mia shoots out of her chair and digs in her bag for the knife, whose intended victim is now lying dead on the floor. Before she can make a move, he closes in and disarms her. It falls to the rugged floor and he kicks it out of her reach. Reaching back to smack him, Mia throws all her weight in his direction, hoping to overthrow him. Dodging the punch, he unearths another syringe from his belt and pierces her throat, forcing the toxin into her blood stream. Instantly, Mia’s world begins to slow down and darken as she stumbles back into her seat. The man’s face slides in and out of focus, but she can make out a look of relief and almost glee; she has met her match.
“Hush now darling, soon it will all become clear,” he says, the room spinning behind him, forcing Mia’s eyes shut. “Won’t be long now, until you know the truth. Soon, it’ll all be over.”
Her mind goes black, and everything is quiet, peaceful. Mia drifts off into a dream world, her very memories being replayed in her subconscious.
Heaving a sigh of exhaustion, Mia brushes the rest of the lion droppings into the trash bag and dusts off her pants and shirt. The park is closing, and she couldn’t be any happier. It allows her to be free from the grinds of a job, free to do what she wants with who she wants. After changing out of her work clothes in the women’s locker room, Mia heads out to have a drink at King’s Grill, the restaurant and bar a few blocks from the San Diego Zoo. Fifteen minutes of driving through slightly congested Californian traffic and Mia walks up to the bar and takes a seat. At the other end having a drink with some work buddies is Brian Shanahan, wealthy father of two beautiful girls, resident of the wonderful city of San Diego for almost thirteen months. Previously, he lived, alone, in Phoenix and was charged with raping a fifteen-year-old girl. Yet, that’s not what brought Mia here tonight; she wasn’t interested in his crimes of passion. She is more intrigued by the hunt of tracking and killing the man, whoever she happens to choose.
Through the smoky haze thickening in the air, Mia observes him while he drinks his last night away. Although preferring the victim to be awake, she has come across her share of drunken slobbering assholes that create a different kind of enjoyment for her; they’re number to the blade. The way their eyes go from ecstasy to sheer terror in milliseconds really made Mia’s heart pump harder and blood flow faster. The dumbfounded look on their faces once they realize she has been plunging away at their vital areas, steadily draining away their life. Tonight, it is Mr. Shanahan’s night to experience just that. Researching and following led Mia to King’s, where he drinks with his friends every Thursday night after work. He is always out late those nights, so there will be no trouble from a worried wife before the job is done. On very frequent occasions, the married man would delve into the world of bar girl hook-ups, which will work to Mia’s advantage. After he finishes his second drink, she makes her way to the opposite end of the bar and heads him off at the bathroom. Exchanging flirtatious looks and smiles, they introduce themselves and decide to share a drink.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Introduction
So readers are aware, I am not some psychotic serial killer who posts stories to vent his frustrations. I just tend to write typically violent and twisted stories, whatever crawls into my imagination. This piece is the introduction to my short story, which as of now is still untitled. It details the life of Mia, a female serial killer who slays rich, handsome men with troubled pasts that are buried beneath lots of red tape. The narrator has selections told through 1st person, as he is the victim she has searched for her entire life. More details will come out as I progress, so if you're interested keep checking back for more. Any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
Although seemingly having a normal sense of sanity projected by a faux persona, I am nothing of the sort. In a desperate attempt to feed an insatiable desire for deceit and destruction, and thusly trying in vain to hide my affliction behind a veil of lies, I roam the streets as if in search of an answer to my disease. Yet I remain incurable of a sickening eagerness to stare into the souls of the human shells that crowd around me at the street light; the beasts who cram up against me on the train to Park Street; the swine who dine on processed pig meat nightly before the game. How they can face their own revolting reflection each passing day vexes me to this very moment, as I gaze out into the daunting darkness of late night Boston. Taking a sip of red wine, I ease down into my chair and smile while replaying the day’s accomplishments in my head. Extraordinary to imagine I was an utterly different man, an utterly different person not so long ago.
Copyright 2009 Liam Feldstein
Although seemingly having a normal sense of sanity projected by a faux persona, I am nothing of the sort. In a desperate attempt to feed an insatiable desire for deceit and destruction, and thusly trying in vain to hide my affliction behind a veil of lies, I roam the streets as if in search of an answer to my disease. Yet I remain incurable of a sickening eagerness to stare into the souls of the human shells that crowd around me at the street light; the beasts who cram up against me on the train to Park Street; the swine who dine on processed pig meat nightly before the game. How they can face their own revolting reflection each passing day vexes me to this very moment, as I gaze out into the daunting darkness of late night Boston. Taking a sip of red wine, I ease down into my chair and smile while replaying the day’s accomplishments in my head. Extraordinary to imagine I was an utterly different man, an utterly different person not so long ago.
Copyright 2009 Liam Feldstein
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